I Love Cookies

The last few days have been a major fail on the healthy food front.

The past several weeks there has been intermittent treating, but there has also been a conscientious effort to maintain control and substitute awesome things like cookies with less awesome but more healthy things like fruits and yoghurt.

And then the weekend hit.

My boyfriend and I finally had a housewarming party for our new apartment. We wanted to show it off to all our friends, finally. Clearly this was going to be a drinking party. Fail number one for me. Were there smart choices when it came to liquor? No. Anything was game. Instead of restricting myself to a couple of glasses of wine (honestly it would have just been a challenge to fit an entire bottle of wine into a couple glasses) or vodka soda, I grabbed anything and everything that was available to mix with my vodka. Mostly really sugary things like energy drinks and cranberry cocktail.

Bad. Very bad.

And I haven't even told you about the cookies and the cupcakes.

The first time we had a party and made cupcakes they were a huge hit. And so, ever since that first party, there have been cupcakes. People request that there be cupcakes before committing to the event. So cupcakes were made. And cupcakes were eaten during preparation. I also decided to make about 5 dozen cookies.

Well along with all the other appies that we made and the chips and veggies that were out, a lot of cookies and cupcakes were left. On the Sunday when I was hungover I decided that since the cookies were within reach, they would be excellent as a breakfast choice.

I went to the gym on Monday but as you know today is Thursday and I haven't gone back yet. After this confession, I think I have definitely shamed myself into going for a visit.

But I would so love a cookie right now!

Muli-tasking

I'm a multi-tasker in all things. I can't even just watch TV most of the time, I need something else to do, whether its list-writing, texting, reading during commercials (when watching non-PVR'd programming). I can't help it.

So asking me to go to the gym and just work out is like asking Lindsay Lohan to sober up- its probably not going to happen.

Luckily my gym has thought to add individual TVs to all of their cardio equipment. You would think that that would be enough for me to stay occupied. And to be fair, I do tend to plan my workouts around what I could be watching while I'm there. I feel less guilty watching Days of our Lives when I'm sweating on the treadmill too.

But even individualized television viewing isn't enough for me. Commercials remember? I wasn't a huge fan of commercials before we got the PVR but now that we have effectively erased them from our lives I really can't stand them. Since Days (those of us that watch all the time can just call it Days) tends to have a lot of commercials to build anticipation, I've started to bring books or magazines to the gym with me.

Yup, I'm that girl. I stroll into the gym with a book/magazine, headphones, keys, membership card, and a cell phone.

(Don't worry, I never use the phone in the gym. Its a security thing my boyfriend insists on when I leave the house)

If you are a gym frequenter you will probably guess that I'm not much for the weight machines and you would be right. I refuse to keep my gym "equipment" in a gym locker because I used to work in a gym and there's a good chance it will get stolen. And I can't transport all my stuff with me to each machine. That would be ridiculous.

Almost as ridiculous as trying to read an article in Vogue about Fashion Week in Pakistan while jiggling about on the elliptical.

It just can't be helped. I need to multi-task. But one day, cardio alone just isn't going to cut it. And where does that leave me?

Girl Power

I go to a women only gym. When I do go that is. Actually to be honest I have been going about 4 times a week for 3 weeks now. Four weeks? I should be keeping better track.

Point is, I go to a women only gym.

Its not that I have anything against men. I just don't want to work out with them. Mostly I don't want to work out with the kinds of women that put on full make up to go to the gym to work out with those men.

I never really got the concept of a women only gym until I started working at one. I thought it was highly ironic that they hired me in the first place, since my experience up until that point (I was 20) was that gyms only hired super fit staff. I was not (and am not) super fit. But they hired me and that was the first glimpse I got into this completely foreign (at the time) concept of a women only gym.

Five years later and I don't think I will ever go back to a co-ed gym.

I'm a bigger girl and working out with skinny girls isn't particularly motivating. They are all running on the treadmill barely breaking a sweat while I'm running on the treadmill praying I don't fall off the end and embarrass myself. Women only gyms mean all shapes and sizes of women at all different levels of fitness.

For me this inspires me with a healthy dose of competition.

If I see an old woman on the heavy side busting her ass on the elliptical beside me, you better believe that I'm going to try and work out longer and harder than her. Sure, I will probably fail because those old woman may look weak but if they are gym rats in their 70s, they can kick your ass. But for 10 minutes I'm giving it my all and that results in a better work out for me.

At a women only gym I don't feel like I'm being judged by other patrons. I'm sure that this is probably true of a co-ed gym as well, I'm sure that they are too busy with their own work outs to have any energy to spare on mine. But I'm a judgey person. I will totally judge strangers on their work outs. At a co-ed gym my inner monologue would probably be really catty to make up for my low self-esteem sweating beside glowing Barbie. But at my gym my inner monologue is much more positive and cheerleader-esque. I find myself fist pumping for the heavy girl running on a treadmill, or lifting weights, inspired by the older woman running for 20 minutes beside me.

I belong in a women's only gym. And that's a great feeling when you can't feel your legs.

Climbing Back On The Wagon

Back and forth and round and round I go. Last summer, when I was really making a conscientious effort to get healthy, I ended up losing 15lbs, in about a month. Which was amazing. Is amazing.

Obviously, since then, I have fallen off the wagon. Several times. Like I mentioned in my last post (9 months ago) its supposed to take 30 days for something to become a habit. So this time, I'm on Day 2. I'm unemployed right now, which means that I have lots of time to do something about it. In fact, instead of looking for a job yesterday (something I hate doing) I went to the gym.

I've been going for walks with my boyfriend a few times a week recently (he can only do low impact exercise since he's currently dealing with a pretty nasty back injury) so when I actually got back in the gym yesterday it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, you know, not having set foot in a gym for longer than I cared to admit to myself.

I need to get serious about this weight loss thing though. I was a size 12-14 but now I'm flirting with a size 16 and that does not feel good any way that you try to look at it. And believe me, I have tried to look at it in many different ways in an effort to try and rationalize myself out of the need to actually face this issue and do something about it.

I can tell myself that I'm big boned all I want, that I'm built like a peasant, that I'm European-sized but the fact of the matter is, I'm fat.

There it is, staring at me in print.

Kind of hurts a little to put it out there but maybe this will be the push that I need to actually do something about it. My hope is that writing it down, putting it out there, will force me to stick with it. Will not enable me to rationalize my way out of going to the gym, or eat a box of cookies. I need to make healthier eating choices (which isn't the biggest struggle honestly, although I do have a wicked sweet tooth), make time for exercise and find a way to force myself onto the scale at least once a week. That's what I did last summer and it was a serious motivator.

I just got back from the gym and I was sweating and hurting and glowing. I felt fantastic. I was actually smiling while I was running (for a minute at a time, baby steps, let's not get crazy) on the treadmill. Clearly this is something that I need to be doing more of.

I hope that you will join me as I fight this battle. Share your stories, egg me on, give me tips! Here's hoping that this time I stay on the wagon. Bring on Day 3!

Distressing Facts

You know how sometimes you are bored or waiting for something and look for suitable reading material to pass the time? Well I did that today and learned some distressing things.

Apparently butter chicken, that most wonderful east Indian dish, is bad for you. Like really bad.

I was waiting for my friend to join me on our last break this afternoon and started reading this article about people's favourite dishes. Being January, I should have known better. Of course it would be telling me how bad things are for me, you know, making people aware of what they are eating and all that. Well butter chicken is going to put you about 1700 calories in the hole.

That's almost all of the daily recommended intake of calories.

OK let's be honest. The east Indian place was open today after 3 long weeks and my friend pressured me into having butter chicken for lunch.

I should have known better, I should have resisted. But it's early in the new regime. I've heard it said that it takes 30 days for a new idea or regiment to become a habit. And I'm barely on day 3.

But I caved. And later in the day karma sent me this article so that I could see the error in my ways. And now I know. I made a big mistake.

But it got me thinking. About calories unfortunately. Although I'm not a fanatic calorie counter (if that works for you, more power to you. Something different for everyone) I do like to be aware of what I'm eating. Well for the past 6 months anyway.

I think more than calories it's important to look at the sodium content. Sodium is seriously the hidden danger- there is loads of it in everything! Anything frozen probably has tons of sodium to preserve it. Also the amount of fat in something. Yeah there is the whole thing about good fats but you are not seriously going to tell me that the amount of fat in a pizza pocket is good fat are you?

Please.

Anyway, my eyes were definitely opened. And as penance I'm going to the gym tonight. Or for a walk outside- it's clear out for a change. I want to take advantage. Plus it's January- have you been to your gym at all this week?? It's MENTAL.

Fresh air is better- you'll sleep like a baby.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sweet Tooth Meltdown

I admit it. Today I caved and had a piece of chocolate. It wasn't crappy chocolate (if I'm going to fail I might as well fail spectacularly) it was a delicious Lindt chocolate, all creamy and smooth and oh so good.

Yes, Day 2 bag on the wagon and I've fallen off already. Doesn't bode well for my long term success does it?

It was a bad day. Got bad news from my mom and work was a disaster. And I caved.

But in true blogger form, I have examined my fall (from a rather high horse if you read yesterday) and I think I know the problem.

It was available.

Within arms reach actually. A remnant of that festive season of overeating and indulging in all those forbidden treats. And when I needed an emotional pick-me-up I went straight for it.

One of the hardest things about this little quest I'm on I denying myself those little pleasures that were I a size 6 I could easily indulge in. But I didn't get to be a size 14 by moderation did I?

(actually I'm fairly certain that I got to size 14 due to my apppalling lack of any physical activity)

Anyway. Lesson learned. If i'm going to be successful at conquering my food demons (mainly refined sugars. The worst kind: cookies, cakes, pastries etc) I can't make them so easily available.

So I'm throwing it away. All those Christmas treats are going in the garbage (I might not have the heart, I might donate them to work- in the lunchroom in plain sight so I won't be tempted. All those people watching and judging you see) and I'm clearing out my desk of any sugar.

Initially the cravings will be intense. But with a little willpower (I gotta exercise that more often too) I'm positive I can beat them.

I also have a secret weapon: gum. The Biggest Loser < /em> is really onto something there. A little piece of gum, almost no calories and the sweet craving is gone!

How are you beating your cravings?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

New Year, New Beginning

So if you have been keeping up...well you will have noticed that there hasn't been anything to keep up with! Since my strong start (I like to think it was a strong start) I have done nothing. About this here blog or, if I'm honest, about my intended weight loss.

I have a list of excuses ready for you but I don't want to insult your intelligence. I like to think that many of you have found yourselves in this same position; you make a commitment to yourself, start seeing some progress and immediately you start cutting corners. That scoop of ice cream won't hurt, some cookies here won't make a difference and skipping a work out today won't matter that much.

But my complete lack of any success since late summer would seem to show otherwise.

When you skip your work out once you are more likely to skip the one after that and the one after that. Pretty soon you are watching people work out on TV guilt free. Not good.

The thing about weight loss that sucks so much (because let's face it- losing weight is a sucky process. All that deprivation and sweating) is that you kind of have to make a long term commitment to that one person that is the easiest to lie to. Yourself.

I can see that I am danger of getting all preachy and that is definitely not my intention!

My intention is to share my weight loss journey with others in the hopes that a) I will be inspired by you to keep going and b) to inspire others to do the same. Strength in numbers and all that.

So how do I plan on pulling this off?

Well I made a start today: brought my lunch to work and had breakfast at home.

I would say these are key. Breakfast at home prevents that mid morning Starbucks run (where I inevitably take a chocolate croissant back with me), lunch allows me to keep track of what is in my food. I'm not going all Biggest Loser on my lunch with portioned turkey or anything. I'm useless in the kitchen- but I bring a low calorie frozen meal, an apple and a yoghurt. Simple right? I also live to drink water so I don't have to worry about cutting out soda- I just don't like the stuff.

And the next, rather obvious step, is exercise. I'm pledging to go at least 4 times a week. For an hour. To start.

And finally- I will weigh myself once a week and write it down to keep track of the progress (or setbacks). I hate the scale but last time I found that it really was the single most important tool in weight loss.

So. Today marks the return to this here blog and a renewed commitment to my own health and well being.

Anonymously of course. I still find it embarassing to have even gotten to this point!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone