Anticipation Angst

Tomorrow is the big day. Scale day. First thing in the morning. A good way to wake up if progress has been made. A bad start to the day if I have fallen behind. 

I feel like there were more reasons to fail this week. I feel like I made more bad decisions, was maybe a little more lax with my self imposed rules. Perhaps because of my success the first week, I thought that I didn't have to work as hard. I skipped a work out to go to dinner 3 times and on Friday night engaged in some pretty serious drinking (but after an intense work out).

That said, I did also manage to get in 2 hardcore workouts and several walks. So we will see. Definitely not anticipating results like last week, but any weight lost, is weight lost!

The good news is that last week's 7 lbs seem to be noticeable. Mostly in my waist and my face. Even my boyfriend has noticed something different about my face. There is a decided lack of double chin on my face now and I can even see a hint of defined cheekbones! 

When I went out on Friday I feel like I was more confident than before. It must have shown- I got hit on several times AND a homeless man told my boyfriend he should marry me because I was "beeeeautiful"--always good to hear. Even from a man that lives on the street. Maybe especially from these men as they are more apt to call out things like "fat whore"...

I wish that I had done more. But at least with the scale I will know where I stand. There's no guess work involved, no feelings. Its numbers. And they don't lie (unless I have an inaccurate scale...) and there is some comfort in that.

So tomorrow morning, I will step on the scale and face the decisions I made this week. And for good or for evil, I will know what needs to happen.

Wish me luck!

Milestone!

So its been a week since that first step on the scary scale. And do you know what? It wasn’t nearly as scary today!

I figured that I would weigh myself once a week—this way I wont become obsessive about tiny increments, better able to focus on the more important exercise, and see a (hopefully) bigger result when I do weigh myself. So last Wednesday was the big first weigh and as noted, it was worse than I thought. But it was a starting point and that number stayed in my head all week, forcing me to say no to delicious pastries and yes to almost daily exercise.

I didn’t sleep that well in nervous anticipation. When I did catch some sleep I actually dreamt about my weighing and my dream told me that I had lost 2lbs—about what I was expecting to lose. So realistic was the dream that when I woke up, I actually thought that I had weighed myself already. But I hadn’t. I almost chickened out too!

But I didn’t! When I weighed myself, the results were so much better than I had anticipated! I lost 7lbs this week! That’s like Biggest Loser worthy! I can’t even believe that it came off so fast! I mean, I know that I have made some significant changes (like eating breakfast!), but I had no idea they would be so effective!

I’m going to bask in the glow of my success today. But then I will go back to worrying about my success next week. I’m afraid that this coming week, life gets in the way a little bit. I usually go to the gym after work. Tonight we have friends coming over for dinner and tomorrow night I am going to my parents for dinner. I don’t have to worry so much about what my mom is going to make for dinner (she is on Weight Watchers) but I worry that I won’t make it to the gym. Add to that our intentions of going away this weekend…and I’m not sure how many sessions of exercise I’m going to get in!

But like I said—I will worry about that tomorrow. For today I will celebrate my milestone!

Variety is the Spice of Life

I stepped on the scale. And it wasn't pretty.

But now I know. And I can do something about it. When progress has been made (like real, awe-inspiring progress) I might even share the actual number. For now just know that it was a lot worse than I thought.

But it has actually had the intended effect! I do a) think about what I am eating and b) make sure that I exercise daily. Usually when I do this, it lasts for a few days at most. When I get complacent...well I'm sure you have been there too.

The past 2 weeks (since the scale moved into my house) its been different. I make conscious decisions to eat better (and less) and exercise more. So in an effort to encourage others to make a start, here is what I have learned over the past 2 weeks.

1. Breakfast really is the most important meal of the day. I didn't used to eat before I left for work. The result? A chocolate croissant with my daily tea misto. Chock full of how many calories, filled me up for an hour and a half maybe and then? Starving. For the past 2 weeks I have been eating Life cereal (words cannot describe the sweet crunchy goodness) with skim milk and strawberries. Or blueberries. Bananas would probably work--you get the idea. And what a world of difference! Now I'm full from 7am until around noon! Which in turn keeps me away from that nasty snacking habit we talked about.

2. Gum is great. I kept hearing this tip last season on The Biggest Loser (is there any show more inspiring on TV now?) and I wondered if it really worked. It does. Essentially you get a sugar craving and you pop a piece of gum in your mouth. The calories (if any) are so minute that its not a big deal and it totally satisfies my sweet tooth. So now? I always have gum handy!

3. Keep it interesting. I do enjoy going to the gym for a workout. The machines are state of the art, there are TVs on each machine, the atmosphere is encouraging and only women are allowed. But sometimes its a real drag to make myself go there after work. So this week in addition to gym workouts I have enlisted my boyfriend to help. We played basketball for an hour yesterday and today we played tennis for an hour (plus a 20 minute walk to the courts and 20 minutes back home). I can already feel muscle pain from tennis, so its obviously working!

4. It gets easier every day! The first day I was inches away from breaking at every moment--a free cookie, not enough energy for the gym etc. But now? I just say no and move on. Perhaps most satisfying (aside from the feeling of elation after a great sweaty workout) is that I feel so much better. I sleep better. I already have more energy.

Who knew that eating well and exercise were so good for you?

The Scale

Is there anything more intimidating than the sight of a scale? I suppose actually stepping on said scale would rank up there, but I get rattled just seeing the cheeky bugger on the floor in the bathroom.

You should know that up until last week there was never a scale in my house. My mom got rid of the scale when I was a teenager- said that she didn’t want me to become obsessed about weighing myself. That it would lead to anorexia. I suspect it was more that my mom didn’t want to be reminded of her own burgeoning weight at the time (to be fair she was pregnant). So I grew up with a healthy aversion to scales and weighing myself.

Well obviously not healthy. I loathe scales. I break into a cold sweat at the sight of this scale. And although I forced my boyfriend to go out and buy one (there was no way that I was going to be seen buying a scale!) I have yet to actually stand on it. Because standing on will tell me what I actually weigh. And I haven’t known what I actually weigh…ever.

If the scale inspires such fear and unease why did I bring one into my house? Because I have heard that it is the single most important tool in effective weight loss. Friends (and my mom) that have lost a significant amount of weight all swear that it works. Its not about becoming obsessive about stepping on it 12 times a day, or starving yourself to get to a goal weight. Its more about encouragement and management.

I have been told that the one thing that spurns people on to keep going, to stick to a diet, to maintain a consistent exercise schedule is the scale. Because you can see progress. You have a concrete measurement of your success (and alternatively your failures). While you can lie to yourself, rationalize decisions about diet and lack of exercise, the scale lays it out for you the way it really is. And this is supposed to inspire you to keep going.

The other side of this is maintenance. Once you have reached your goal, the challenge is not slipping back into old habits. A friend of mine, who lost at least 40lbs recently told me that she steps on the scale every day. At first I thought this was excessive and told her so. She explained that it was a way to keep herself in check. If her weight is down she can indulge a little bit that day. If she has gained a pound or 2 she knows she needs to make time to take an extra aerobics class, go for a long walk, or watch her snacking.

For me, this was all enlightening. I had never thought that a scale could be so…helpful! I still haven’t stood on it. But I am sure that I will soon. At least I have one in my house now! And I could definitely do with some positive reinforcement!