A couple of things happened to me this past week to make me think that perhaps it is time to take control and change certain aspects of my life. I have never been a thin girl (well I was up until I was 11 and then puberty played a very cruel trick on me), but I like to think that I have never been a fat girl either.
Apparently its been a while since I have looked in the mirror properly.
I'm a Marilyn Monroe size 14. However, things have changed a little bit since Marilyn's day (thanks Twiggy) and a size 14 no longer seems to be acceptable. Beyond that, I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin anymore, something I was happy to dwell on every day but not something I was prepared to actually do anything about. I have never been a very proactive person, not one to join in on group activities of my own volition. I also happen to be a world class procrastinator, and a gold medal rationalist. As in, "I won't go to the gym tonight, but I definitely will tomorrow" or "I don't have the energy to go to the gym tonight, so I will rest up and go tomorrow".
Well there are a few things that have changed that have made me realize that I can't keep going down this path. For one thing I have a wedding to go to in the next year, and the family that I haven't seen since last year will notice the weight gain. And they will comment. And it will be bad. So for the first time I have a goal, an event that will spurn me on to look and feel amazing.
I also read my horoscope a few weeks back (I know, so flakey) and it said that if I took a new approach, a fitness regime would have fantastic results. It actually said that. So I figurethat one of my biggest problems with sticking to something is that I have no accountability. Oh I know, I should be accountable to myself, I'm doing it for me, I will be the one to reap the rewards etc. All true. But I'm the kind of person that won't do something unless its for another person, or to show another person what I am capable of. I haven't decided if that's selfless or pathetic. So new approach? Blogging about the experience and being accountable to you, the reader.
So I had all this in mind when I encountered the following mortifying incidents.
#1. Went to lunch with my mother. My mother has been following Weight Watchers for a year and a half now and she looks fantastic. Its really worked for her. So she is at that stage where she is spreading her message, you know, when someone has done something that has worked so now they will tell anyone who will listen that they should do the same? My mom has been dropping hints for months now that I should do the same, but like a man, I have pretended not to notice. So long as I was the only one that thought that I was getting fat, I didn't have to do anything about it. Well we were driving back from lunch and my mom gets all quiet and serious and she says to me "I'm concerned about your health. You have been putting on weight steadily all year". Am frozen with disbelief. And shame. So much shame. I'm not the only one that has noticed. It is actually true- I have gotten fat.
#2. Went to a family BBQ- my boyfriend's family. A few of them I was meeting for the first time. Was wearing an empire waisted dress, I thought it was flattering. Got a lot of compliments on my dress in fact. But then my boyfriend's cousin's wife introduces me to her mother. Who is an old woman (I would guesstimate 80+) . She looks like a sweet old lady. But she's not. She's one of those harsh old ladies wrapped up in sweet old lady clothing. She looks at me and says "so you're the pregnant one?". I am not in fact the pregnant cousin. But I think we can all guess how that made me feel.
So the time has come to do something about it. I don't actually eat that poorly. I do however sit on my ass a fair amount of the time- 8 hours at work and then another few at home, prefering the solitude of a book or the mindless drone of the tv to the sweaty mess of the gym.
But my gym does have tv's on all the cardio machines...
I know that I can do this. I just need the accountability to stick to it. I have a handful of friends that through hard work have actually managed to drop a fair amount of weight. I have no money for fancy trainers, or food programs delivered to my door, and a serious distrust of any magic pill that helps you to lose weight so this will all have to be done by exercising, and I guess, watching what I eat :(. I should also point out that I have no desire to be a size 2. I am 5'8", that would be ridiculous. But I do have a desire to feel good in my own skin, not to be so lumpy and to be able to enjoy going shopping.
So I hope you keep reading--leave me messages so I know what you are thinking!
Here I go!
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